By Rorisang Modiba
- A 24-year-old Johannesburg man says losing his infant niece triggered suicidal thoughts, blackouts and a breakdown that most people around him never saw.
- South African experts warn that men aged 18 to 35 are least likely to seek help, with unemployment, family pressure and toxic masculinity keeping them
He is 24 years old, he is from Johannesburg, and from the outside he looks fine. He shows up for his friends. He checks in on his family. He is the person people lean on.
Inside, it has been a different story.
The death of his infant niece four months into her life changed something in him that he could not name at the time. He stopped sleeping properly. He lost his ability to focus. The happiness drained out of him slowly, then all at once.
“Life became unbearable, and suicidal thoughts visited me frequently,” he said.
He eventually sought help and began to recover. But the experience left marks that most people in his life still cannot see.
“Unless I choose to show it, people don’t see it. I can be at my happiest, showing up for everyone, but still be going through hell,” he said.
He learned to read his own warning signs. When he finds himself pouring into other people more than usual, he knows something is wrong. The giving, he said, is often a mask.
The lowest point came when he lashed out at his younger brother and blacked out from rage.
“That’s when I knew I had reached my limit. I saw how anger took over me, and I could’ve lost him,” he said.
He describes himself now as emotionally distant. He does not trust easily. Friends see him as someone who is always there for them but hard to reach in return. Romantic partners have called him emotionally unavailable.
“You can be in a room full of people who love you and still feel completely isolated and misunderstood,” he said.
He was raised to be strong and to save face. That upbringing, he said, made breaking down feel like a failure.
Tebogo Ramadiro, Substance Use Coordinator at the South African Depression and Anxiety Group, said this pattern is common among men between 18 and 35. Unemployment, family pressure and the expectation to appear in control push many to cope alone, he said, often through substance use.
“Some men suffer in silence for months or even years without support,” Ramadiro said.
He is one of nearly 4.7 million young South Africans aged 15 to 24 who are currently unemployed, according to Statistics South Africa. Six in ten people in that age group have no work. A further 3.9 million are not in employment, education or training at all.
Discovery Health’s latest HealthTrend26 Report found that mental health claims among medical scheme members aged 18 to 30 rose 80% over the past decade. One in seven young adults now claims for a mental health condition.
For the young man in Johannesburg, the work is ongoing. He is healing. He is not done.
“As a man, breaking down is harder than people think,” he said.
“People look up to me, so I feel like I can’t burden them with my problems.”
If you or someone you know is struggling, contact the South African Depression and Anxiety Group on 0800 567 567. The line is free and open 24 hours.
Pictured above: A young man sits alone.
Image source: Pexels
